Companionship at Home After a Hospital Stay or a Loss

A house can become very quiet after a hospital stay, or after a spouse or a close friend is gone. The people who visited at first return to their own lives, the casseroles stop, and the days get long. Loneliness in an older adult is easy for a family to miss, because a parent will often say "I am fine" on the phone. Here is what it can look like, and what companionship care looks like when it is done well.

How loneliness shows up

It rarely announces itself. A parent may eat less because cooking for one feels pointless. They may sleep through the afternoon, stop answering the phone, or stop opening the blinds. They may seem to be coping and then become tearful over something small. Your mother may talk a little too long when you call, because you are the first voice she has heard all day. None of these is a diagnosis, but together they tell you that the days may be emptier than they sound.

The weeks after a hospital stay

Coming home from the hospital is a relief and also a letdown. The activity of the ward, with people coming and going, is gone. Home is familiar and also lonely, and a parent may feel weaker than before and unsure of themselves. Hard days are normal at this stage. Having someone in the house for a few hours can make the difference between a day spent worrying and a day spent resting. Any questions about recovery belong with the doctor; what companionship adds is a steady, friendly presence.

What companionship care looks like day to day

It is less dramatic than people expect. Ordinary things, done together and without hurry:

• Conversation over coffee, with someone who listens patiently to the same stories
• Cards, puzzles, crosswords or a favorite show watched together
• A short walk to the mailbox or around the block, when the weather and the person allow
• Help with an errand, a library visit or a phone call to a friend
• A meal shared at the table, instead of eaten alone in front of the television
• Looking through photographs and talking about the people in them

None of it is a treatment. The point is that the day has a shape and a reason to get dressed, and that your parent is seen as a person with a history, not only as someone who needs looking after.

Grief is not on a schedule

After a loss, grief can arrive in waves, often when the house is quiet or on an ordinary afternoon. A companion cannot fix that, and should not try to hurry it. What helps is a person who can sit with sadness, let your parent talk about the one who is gone, and not change the subject too fast. If you notice that sadness is not lifting, that your parent seems to have lost interest in everything, or says things that worry you, talk to their doctor. That is a medical question and deserves one.

Summer in the desert

In Scottsdale the summer heat sends many older adults indoors for months. It makes sense, and it also means fewer reasons to leave the house, fewer chance meetings with neighbors and a lot of hours on the couch. Early morning walks, errands run in the cooler part of the day, and visits scheduled around the afternoon heat can keep the day from shrinking to one room. Your parent's doctor can advise on what is safe in the heat.

How families can help from a distance

• Call at the same time most days so there is something to look forward to
• Send photographs and short notes, even when there is not much news
• Ask neighbors, friends or a faith community to visit on a regular schedule
• Ask your parent what they miss most, then work on that one thing

Family will always matter most. Paid companionship fills the gaps between your visits, and it can ease the worry about the hours you cannot be there.

The Hills Premium Services provides companionship and emotional support for older adults in their own Scottsdale homes. If someone you love is spending too many hours alone, call (480) 234-1301 or visit the office at 6424 E Greenway Pkwy #100, Scottsdale, AZ 85254. The office is open every day of the week, and we are glad to talk.